PANHANDLER ADMITS HE'S PROBABLY NOT JESUS
Los Angeles, CA — After nearly twenty years of panhandling and preaching to passerbys, homeless man Marty Ludlow finally admitted he's probably not Jesus Christ, and apologized if he gave anyone the wrong impression.

"I'm sorry if people thought I was the incarnated human form of the Holy Ghost," Ludlow, 48, said at a press conference early Wednesday. "I know I may have used that line several times, but hey, I was drunk and it works great. I'm really sorry for not being totally clear on this. I realize now that I'm probably not Jesus Christ and I apologize to anyone who gave me money just in case."

According to West Hollywood residents where Ludlow would regularly panhandle, the bearded transient not only claimed he was Jesus Christ, but also carried around a sign that said "I'm Jesus Christ."

"He would tell everyone he was Jesus and if we ignored his wishes to buy him a 40-ounce Michelob, we would be be screwed for life," resident Sonya Redding said. "At first I ignored him, but after he insisted again and again he was Jesus, I felt I should try to help him -- you know, just in case. Then he stole my watch."

Ludlow also carried signs that read, "Give me money and I promise you'll get into heaven," "I died for your sins so gimme some change," "I'm Jesus and I also served in Vietnam," and "I'm Jesus and if you don't buy me a sandwich, you will most likely burn in the fiery pits of hell for all eternity."

As part of his probation agreement, Ludlow has agreed to carry a disclaimer which now clearly states he's most likely not Jesus.

"See, it's written in the small print on the bottom of this cardboard sign that says, 'I'm probably not Jesus, even though I look exactly like him.'"